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Who: Canazza, Severn, WD-40, Tara, Alota, Timmy, E-45, Elwood
Where: Engineering on the real BD
When: After the meeting
Canazza stood there, completely covered in grease and oil, holding a wrench and a sonic Screwdriver, infront of the biggest piece of technology he'd ever seen.
The wormhole drive was twice as big as the all Hydrogen compressors combined, and it took up 90% of the remaining space in the engine room to hook it up. As a result, Engineering was allowed to expand into the toilets across the hallway, and 5 consoles were set up in the mens room. Many an officer could be seen trying to find a tap on them, and in extreme cases (extremely drunken cases) were seen urinating on them, thinking that they were common ceramic urinals, causing them to short circuit and, ofcource, shock the perpetrator rather nastily in the groinal area.
Joseph entered engineering holding his crotch.
"You know" Canazza said, spotting Severn's position, "You DID set those consoles up yourself"
"smeg off," Severn had been a great help, standing there, ordering Canazza about, generally throwing his weight around, despite being half the size of Canazza. "You done?"
"yep" he turned back to the drive, "IM done"
"don't get tetchy, i am the superior officer"
"We're the same rank"
"Don't get pedantic" Canazza wiped his palm across his forehead to try and wipe the muck off, it didn't work, his hand was covered in muck anyway. "I'm going to the pub"
The mucky Canazza walked out of engineering and headed for the lifts.
He stepped in and pressed the button for the docking bay, he was going to get blasted on the alternate dwarf.
He finally reached the other dwarf, through a starbug ferrying supplies between ships.
He entered another lift aboard the alternate dwarf and pressed the button.
His greasy fingers smegged up the control fascia so that none of the buttons were visible any more.
The doors opened onto the command deck. Canazza was puzzled, he must have pressed the wrong button. He was about to press the button again when he noticed WD-40's groin burst into flames. And, ofcource, being and engineer, he just had to go and help.
"what's the problem" Canazza asked no-one in particular
"He just - just - just - " Alota stammered, looking completely stunned.
"He just insulted the entire female species" Tara finished, she looked at the oil covered Canazza, "So, you finished hooking up the drive then"
"Yeh," he replied, WD-40 stirred
"What's got billions of arms, billions of legs and an IQ of 50?" he rattled, "The entire female population" a jet of flame burst out of his groin again, "Ouch, that hurt, I can't help it, someone's made me tell really bad female jokes!"
"I think I can fix that" Canazza reached inside the droids head, fiddled with a few wires and tapped a few keys and shut the flap, "There"
"The thing about men is that they always leave the toilet seat up and when they do leave it down they piss all over it." the jet of flame nearly caught canazza's oily trousers
"Too far the other way" Canazza reached in again and tapped a few more keys "hopefully, otherwise i might become the human torch"
"Oh goodness" WD-40 looked embarrassed,
"Tell us a joke" Canazza probed
"Knock Knock,"
"who's there?"
"Doctor"
"Doctor who?"
"Ha ha! you already said it!" WD-40 clapped, "I'm cured!"
"Okay," Canazza turned for the lift, "Standard mech joke, he's fine."
"Oh my!" WD-40 exclaimed, "I'm blind!"
"whoops, my bad," he said, getting out a flannel and wiping the greasy goop off of the mech's eyes.
"oh thank you, I shall return to my duties at once and make up for this gross error in judgement" he waddled off, buffing anything that looked slightly dull on the way.
Alota, Tara and Canazza turned for the lift. The two Captains stopped and let Canazza go in first,
"We'll wait for it to return," Tara said, wiping some of the oil from her sleeve that brushed off Canazza
"No offence" Alota finished.
"Fine" The doors closed and Canazza finally was on his way to the bar.
He exited the lift onto the promenade. He passed by a dumpster, there were familiar voices coming from it, there some weird looking goop spraying out of it. Canazza went to investigate, and found Timmy, a mechanoid and Elwood sitting there, Timmy squirting the weird goop about, trying to freak out the mechanoid.
"Hey," Canazza said, "What's up." he turned to the mechanoid, "I thought I left you on the command deck"
"Oh" E-45 said, "I'm E-45, i'm WD-40's alternate"
"fine, what are you doing in there?"
"The dark lord got a hole in one sir" E-45 explained
"Ah, well, get out of there, you're burning a hole in the wall."
"gees, givusabreakwhydontcha" Timmy blurted out.
The foursome wandered off to the bar.
Canazza was tired, he hadn't slept in days, he was happy though, with his money in his wallet (bulging slightly since he'd just been paid) he was going to get utterly blasted.
Timmy was thirsty, he hadn't had alcohol in days (being kept in a prison by evil clowns meant it was hard to get any more alcohol) and he too was going to get utterly blasted.
Elwood the Uberskutter, well, he was in the prison longer than Timmy, so decided, although it's impossible for the skutter to get pissed, he can still drink.
And the mech, E-45, was content to nurse a cola all night, since it was not for a mechanoid to get pissed, as it may be required for him to do first aid.
That night was filled with free flowing liquor, (thanks in part to a bonus of credits Canazza got for fixing up the wormhole drive) in a celebration of nothing in particular for an event that may not have happened, made up by a mind that's half asleep. In the word of Elwood the Uber skutter "A good enough excuse to get blasted if ever I heard one"
Timmy lay under the taps, with the helpful, but T-total E-45 holding the bar tap on, until it drained, in which case, they'd move onto the next one. By the end of the night he'd drunk the place dry, including the spirits on the walls.
Canazza boosted his energy level by drinking a drink reserved usually for students - the Vodka and Red Bull - before moving onto tequila and then onto vodka shots.
1 hour later the quartet exited the bar, they were all smashed, except E-45 and elwood, the drink-immune Uber Skutter.
"YAAAASsssssss" Timmy Shlurred, "WOOOO!!!"
"whaatarusohappyabout" Canazza staggered round the corner,
"IM PISHED THATS WHYY!" Timmy shouted
Elwood looked at E-45
"I didn't know Timmy could get pissed" Elwood was surprised
"Apparently it's only simulated"
"SIMULATED SHMIMULATED" Timmy shouted again, "IF MY PISHEDNESH IS SHIMUlATED THEN TELL ME THISH"
"tell you what?"
"SHEE - you can't"
Elwood and E-45 continued onwards, Timmy hanging onto the Uber skutter's neck and being dragged along behind him, Canazza staggering around looking like a duck that's about to be sick, still covered in grease. He left all the glasses covered in a thin film, he had to pay extra to get them cleaned.
"Y'know what'd be fun" Canazza's cloudy brain kicked in
"What?" Timmy asked
"I think we should go out and help those guys fight."
"YEH! LESH GO KICK SHUM ASSH!"
"We can't let them fly!" Elwood exclaimed
"I concur" E-45 replied,
"If you really must go" Elwood negotiated, "Then we must insist that we come along"
"wouldn't have it any other way, maatey!" Canazza picked the skutter up and ran with him towards the lift, "We are goin' flying!!"
sometime later, down in the flight deck, there was only one starbug left, the four piled in and took off, ready to join the battle.
Name: Dave Canazza
Status: Drunken antics await.
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