YOU KNOW YOU ARE A CHESS ADDICT IF ...

• You bump into someone or something and say J'adoube.

• You have more chess clocks than watches.

• You buy the biggest, fastest, most expensive computer just to play chess on
it or use it as a database.

• You have more PGN than DOC files on your computer.

• You take a chess set and book to the bathroom... and forget to go to the
bathroom.

• You meet someone, your first question is, "What's your rating?"

• You buy a newspaper only if it has a chess column in it.

• You think that Lennox Lewis plays in knockout chess tournaments.

• You believe that Dmitri Mendeleev periodically played chess.

• You have more chess books than any other book or magazine combined.

• You believe that the Olympics are every two years.

• You spot the chessboard set up wrong in every movie with a chess scene.

• Your favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm's Chessmen cookies.

• You have the "Chessplayers make better mates" bumper sticker on your car or
briefcase.

• You know what BCO, ECO, MCO, NCO, PCO all mean and have all these books.

• You ask girl if she plays chess before you ask her out for a date.

• You drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say, "Hi,
Bobby" at a chess tournament.

• You take a test, and 5 minutes before you run out of time, you mentally tell
yourself that your flag is about to fall

• You go to any Barnes and Noble in the world and know exactly where all the
chess books are located.

• When the cashier says, "Check?" you wink and say "Mate!"

• You know that mate, mating positions, exposed bishops, and forking the queen
have nothing to do with sex.

• You have a chess logo on your letterhead or shirt.

• You try to play cards blindfolded.

• You have a chess coffee mug.

• You know that a Bishop scandal is someone who puts his Bishop on the wrong
colored diagonal.

• Fantasize of also beating Mr Spock in 3-D chess.

• Still think Kasparov is world champion and has always been world champion
since beating Karpov in 1985.

• Going to a chess tournament and can't wait to say: "Look at those chess nuts
boasting by an open foyer."

• You look for three other friends to play bug-house.

• You have played the ghost of G้za Mar๓czy.

• You own a Harry Potter or Civil War chess set.

• You are sure that Chuck Norris gets his kicks from chess.

• You played in chess tournaments all year long and have almost made $1,000
(but you spent $2,000 earning that).

• You have used any of these aliases while on the Internet: Bottvinik, Caissa,
Gata, Bobby Fischer, IvanCheck, Polgar, Jadoube, Kapablanca, KnightStalker,
KibitzandBlitz, KnightRider, Pawnographer, Philidork, Queenforker, Rookie
Player, Ruy Lopez, TarraschCan, Zukertort, and KillerMate.

• You have read all of this :-)


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